Am I a consumer or a producer? Big question. So far I would have to say consumer. I consume products, stories, ideas, inspiration, scripture, experiences... What do I produce? Do I produce fruit? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control; these are the fruits of the spirit. Do I produce these? If so, how much? Jesus said that the seeds that fell on the rich and fertile soil were held with a pure heart and that the holder produced fruit with perseverance even to a hundred fold. A HUNDRED FOLD. I can't imagine taking a seed of God's love and being able to produce a hundred times more. Whether I can imagine it or not isn't the issue. The issue is whether I believe what God says.
I used to think that my heart was the dry rocky soil that Jesus spoke about. The heart that would have the seed fall upon it, accept it with joy and then have it whither away because it lacked a good root system. In fact I think I was that person. Hear that, WAS. Jesus has done an amazing work in me. He has tilled that soil, conditioned it, watered it and cared for it. He is capable, not me.
Now I am working on holding fast. Holding fast to God is so easy though. Willingness is really all it takes. It reminds me of my little daughter. She is four and still has to hold hands while we cross the road. Sometimes she is stubborn and does not want to take my hand. So... we don't move. As soon as she pulls her little hand out of her pocket and makes the slightest movement upward I reach down take her hand securely in mine and we proceed. That's how it has been with God. Just a movement from me has allowed him to hold me securely; to whisper his words of guidance, love, correction and direction. Just the tiniest concession in my heart has allowed him to dig away at it until the soil is rich and fertile ground...
God is amazing. He has given me provision. He has given me love. He has shown me joy. He has been gentle with me. He has been kind when I have not deserved it. He has been patient through all of my ups and downs. He has persevered in our relationship. He has been there with me through all of my failings. These are the seeds that he has given me. These are the things that he has planted. Willingness on my part will allow a crop of a hundred fold to rise up... God is the farmer. It is his skill, his determination, his sweat, his sacrifice, his love that will bring about a crop.
I am beginning to see the faint yellow green of spring. Sprouts are topping the soil, it is an exciting and sometimes painful time. I am thankful though, life is poring through and there is nothing in the world like it.